Hit Me

His words

viciously slash me

as his anger sheds another layer

of someone I now fear

It won’t happen again

But wait it does,

and again and again

till I am no longer

myself

till I am the punching bag

till I am ripped open

They say abuse is physical

they forget to warn

about the verbal.

They don’t tell you

how a sharp tongue

can slice open a person

create wounds

scars that aren’t visible

only suppressed, bottled in.

Words that beat me mercilessly

I sit here apologizing

for something that isn’t my fault.

Help me lose these chains.

Tired

I feel tired today. Emotionally exhausted and looking for a source of energy to motivate me. Your smile used to do it. Used to launch me face first into better days. I miss your laughter. High pitched and drawn out and perfect. The kind that made me laugh just because. But because I don’t hear it anymore, I feel tired. Physically this bed is holding me captive and I haven’t had the strength to get up and cut off the alarm and it’s been going off… 7 minutes now and 28, 29, 30 seconds. Maybe it’ll disappear like you did. Maybe I’ll feel more energized if I sleep it off and try it again tomorrow, but I won’t. Because you still won’t be here and tired will become my norm and eventually I’ll adjust and life will go on. Go on a little differently. I miss your scent. How two of my steps always equaled one of yours during our afternoon strolls. Your fingertips up and down my spine for tight hugs. Tired. Missing you. Tired. My energy. Tired. Your always a little off, but sincere advice. Tired. Come back.

Rose Golden Heart

There she is…

I see her in the field,
the sun making her
glimmer, like a
mirror ball,

just mesmerizing…

turning into
the peace that
brings life & so
many beings together,

dazzling, creating &
being the light no
matter how deep the
night or how dark the
hour.

standing.

regardlessly, timidly & loudly,
just needing to be
watered with love,

loyalty,

as she feeds
the earth,

treated with care &
polished with God’s
cloth to the utter of
her name.

this heart,
She is.

like a blaze in the
sky, one that you
would have to beg
someone else

to witness because it
was always too good to
be true,

Until…

Those lucky to witness
the euphoric youth
of magic,

could at least agree
without knowing
anything about each
other.

knowing you is enough to
Trust the light that
you constantly give to
all who witness your
rays,

always.

As you are.

Rose golden heart.

rose gold prints left
on hearts,

Lighting souls
no matter the end,

in spite of,
in memory of,
In honor of
love & faith always.

rose golden heart,
leaving prints all
over with nothing
but grace & humility,

forcing fear & pride
to meet each other
in the most beautiful of
monsters,

all while glowing with
heavenly,
golden
clouds &
moons.

Break Free

Are you hiding inside your shell

Are you standing in the corner

Are you happy in this hell

Is the box you’re put in getting a little small

Are you tired of living,

With your back against the wall

Open your eyes

Open your mouth

Come on just yell

Let it all out

Step out of the shadows

Let them all know you’re here

Let’s cuff the hands of time

And lose the keys

No more living just to die

Too many moments have passed us by

There’s nothing you can find at the bottom of a bottle

You can’t find in the world outside

We all look at the same sky

Wish upon the same stars

Wishing we could break free from it all

No matter how much you deny

It’s as simple as it seems

It’s not about falling it’s about

Getting back up

The strength is inside you and me

Don’t let the world bring you down

Take my hand I’ll lift you up

It’s no longer time to be alone

There’s more to life than you’ve seen

Experience it before you’re gone

No, it’s not as cold as it seems

Solitude has been your home too long

But it’s broken down

You think you’re making a statement

Making waves

But you’re just going unnoticed

Take a chance before it’s too late

Cause you never know when it’s your time

Step out of the cage you put yourself in

Come on the door’s open

Take a step outside

Let go of the second guessing

And the self-pitying

Take a chance and love yourself

You know you deserve it

Even just for a little while

You don’t think you exist outside,

Your mind

But you are here

You are something

Just let yourself show

I can see the yearning deep down in your soul

Tame it and let it free

You’ll be whole

You’ll be complete

Ripples of Hope

 

I watched the ripples take my life away towards the center of hope. I lose my direction sometimes, but the currents always lead me back home. I find my equilibrium in the reflection of my smile because all I see is that I must breathe for myself in a place where my breathing is threatened to be ceased. So, I swim towards hope and yearn for its caresses to keep me safe in its embrace.

© Soshinie Singh

Author of the Phoenix Letters and The Mist Calling

 

Writing for the Calm

It seems like the correct time to share the poem that reconnected me with my passion. “Writing for the Calm” propelled me back into writing; it enabled me to own up to all that makes me, me. The energy I describe has the ability to cripple me, yes, but I have learned to embrace it, be proud of it, use it–the piece of me that I am finally comfortable with. Sometimes, I need a reminder that I am power if I just believe that I am. After all, I write to know I exist outside my own mind…

I’ve always had an unexplainable,
Unnamed mass of energy inside,
Much like a tightly drawn bow,
A jostled can of Coke,
Or an eerily tranquil evening,
When the air suggests that everything
And nothing exists at once.
This has led to my greatest victories,
And the most paralyzing defeats.
I couldn’t accomplish anything without it,
Yet it has coerced me into villainous situations:
The contradiction of my life.

Anything to curb the position of this anxiety.
I can even say it’s easy to gravitate
Towards beautiful destruction.
And so, I grip the pen and feel the paper.
Yes. I want others to admire my work.
Yes. I love manipulating language.
Yes. Our stories must be told–preserved–
So they survive the abstract notion of time.
Why I write though, is so I can take a true,
Satisfying, uninhibited breath.
In the aftermath of a group of pen strokes,
I free the air I wasn’t even aware I held inside.

I write for the calm.
I write to know I exist outside my own mind.

 

 

 

[Thanks to those who help me find my calm when it goes missing.]

Black Men Struggles

I’m tired of hearing the white men troubles

When you can’t even describe the frame that fits the white men struggles

You refuse to get out of your own little bubble

You stay look the other way and fabricating a world that’s all your own

Meanwhile I watch my brothers and sisters hustle for a living

Working double as a result of their melanin

Knowing that eventually we will hit a glass ceiling, because they will never let us in

It’s society’s little secret hush hush

As our blood paints the pavement

From the officers we were taught to trust in

The media only tries to downplay the climate of our environment

America’s global racism hits us in passive aggressive ways

The only way to escape is to tell our children to behave

Because any sort of resistance can mean an early grave