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I’m such a Pussy with love, but why?

Oh love! Love makes you feel warm and fuzzy one minute and the next you want to run away from it, well at least in my case. I’m pretty great at running away when love happens. Maybe it’s my generation and the fucked up ideology that the grass is greener on the DM side. Maybe it’s the fact I have daddy issues and fear of abandonment. Maybe I feel as though leaving them first we I won’t be left feeling stupid when they dump me. Whatever the case is, I’m tired of running.

I want to love, but how? How does the heart let go of the comfort of solitude when for so long its been mistreated. Time? Meditation? Closure? Or do I just go for it and find love? I had no clue, so I stopped looking.  I gave up on my mission and exactly when I did that love found me. What type of love do you ask? The love for myself.  Look, hear me out. In order to love proper you have to be right within. There is no way in hell that you can accept love and give love if you are not right within yourself. It took me a while to self heal from my past, from my abusers, from the lack of love from my father, and most importantly to heal from my fear of abandonment.  Honestly, I’m still healing and still struggling and that’s ok because now I know my truth.  The path to enlightenment starts with facing yourself and your fear. I no longer want to fear love.  Am I ok with the pain attached to love? Maybe, but if I don’t ever try I will never know.

I created this piece because the possibility of love and wild sex has found me and challenged me as of late. I’m excited, scared, and vulnerable. Even with all those emotions, I’m finally ready to let go of my fear.

I dedicate this post and artwork to my self-love and what that energy has brought to my life.

 

-ZaiOhmy

 

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your name is synonymous with music now

my days don’t feel quite right
if you don’t send me a song.
what else should i hear
while emptying my heart
of ghosts? my bones need
something that will burrow
deeply, and remind them that
home can be outside of this body.
and this body needs to remember
that men have died for the songs
of some women, so a moment of
shattering for you is a mere drop
in the oceans i have swallowed
while waiting for revolutions
that become my lullabies

(photo by Oladimeji Odunsi via unsplash)

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Nudity still disguised

 

 

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Breeze as an Afterthought

When Love Breezes on by.

Torrid breeze

need to sneeze

spring came around

allergy bound

stuffing noses, sensitive eyes

plucking petals makes me cry.

Within a sickly state

met a special someone on a date

we spent nights and days

in a wanton haze

blurry and hot

in loving thought.

We felt immortal, too great

to let the spark die, wait

so we carved our joy

happiness, tacit cloy

in our favourite bench

we spent days clenched

together

in spite of disgusting weather.

https://www.instagram.com/readingbread_/

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The Aftermath by Samihah Pargas

I often wondered if you were as sad as I was after you walked away. It pained me to say that perhaps you were not, and one day I had to let my hope dissipate. This is where I walk now, on the road taking me further away from you and any dreams I held onto. I stopped by the ocean for a while and tried to drop your name into the water, but I might as well have drowned myself because you were still inscribed all over me. Continue reading The Aftermath by Samihah Pargas

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Anatomy of a Suicide

You assume that they will think of you
and smile.
Remember all of your best attributes,
wish you were here.

Sometimes that’s true.
Sometimes it’s not.

Sometimes I want to bring you back to life
just to tell you how angry I am.
To tell you I love you
and that he deserved better.

m.e. peters

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How to Seduce the Night

-how to seduce the night, Rio de Janeiro 2016

 

On a rooftop in a rainstorm

he kissed the night into being.

High above the city of sleepless dreams

he gathered moonlight on his fingertips,

and cast love upon the midnight hued sky.

To a chorus of thunder and gunshots

he seduced the night

and made love to the stars.

I have not forgotten what it feels like

to become the calm after a storm.

March 3, 2018

 

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“You Shouldn’t Have Bothered” by Michelle Mangal

If you knew how
I’d cry walking along the river
Tears leaking behind my sunglasses
After you’d left
You
Would never have said those pretty lies to me.

If you knew how
I’d break into so many pieces
I’m still finding pieces of that girl I once knew
Under my bed and in the back of the sofa
You
Would never have attempted to love me.

You both shouldn’t have bothered.

Sorrow has scored its lines into my face
Silver is growing from my head
I’m fed up of photos that show eyelids puffy from tears
Because I cry before, after, and during everything I do.
Yet would either of you have stayed
if you knew that worst was yet to come?

Who knew that I’d break and then
break some more
until all there is left of me is
just dust
and grains of salt.

Truly, right now I think
You shouldn’t have bothered.

And yes, I survived those other tears,
That old heartache
and all the other bullshit life had to offer.

But honestly, my love

If that is all

you have

to give to me.

You shouldn’t have bothered.

(Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash)

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“WILDERNESS” by Michelle Mangal

The most beautiful thing
I have ever known
was you asleep in my bed
me curved around you
one last cuddle
whispering goodbye
in the curls of your hair
before I go to work.

I never knew I could love so much,
That I could feel such tenderness,
Just from you asleep in my bed.

For a few more minutes snuggled with you
I’d miss my train
I’d bunked off school
I forgot who I was.

All because of loving you,
The boy asleep in my bed.

(Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash)