[It is a funeral in a typical church on the north side women are crying while fanning themselves because it’s summer. It has come to the time where loved ones get to share a word. The pastor declares a two-minute limit.]
Me: God is good all the time…
Audience: And all the time God is good.
Me: This raggedy muthafucka ain’t never been shit, and God saw that and killed that nigga. In addition, fuck boys cannot prosper spewing fuckery.
[An usher comes to encourage me off the stage. I motion with my pointer finger. One more thing must be said.]
Me: singing Come inside. Take off your coat. I’ll make you feel at home. Now let’s pour a glass of wine cause now we’re all alone. [There are two ushers now.] I been waiting for you babe just let meeeee… [They’re pushing me off stage.] …hold you close to me… [I break away and run to the casket] cuz I been dying for you to make love to meeeeee.
Audience: [mouths dropped]
Me: [a distinct bow]
Me: [flips off funeral goers and leaves]