They ask, “How do you feel?”

You struggle for a word, locked behind doors, behind walls, behind ego

One syllable words flow with passive aggression and you’ve learned that “okay” is your favorite answer

You say that they do not need to know

But emotion is asking for the permission to be voiced

Permission to rebound from closed off vocal chords but you have not given the say so

You are shut off, numbed off from the reality that you have not told the truth for a long time

You have gone through the motions and now you are stagnant waters

A pool of water stuck under night and sun, rain and light, dirt and grime, anger and joy, testing and time

A pool clouded by your own emotion

There is time for the truth

For gates to open using bravery pushing through to meet your words

Strength to spew out darkness from deep chasms and bring the light into dark places

To haul your pain into the visible space where you are, where you live, where you breathe and see day

That is where emotion asks for your permission

Permission to be felt and said and processed

Permission to be healed

To be turned from raw mineral into jewels, you must allow for the exposure

For your emotion to touch God

To touch heaven

To be held in the hands of Savior

To be more than adjectives floating aimlessly through your head

To be more than a struggle for speech, behind doors, behind walls, behind ego

To be more than just “okay”

You say that they do not need to know

But they do and you know it

Trapped behind your mask, you’ve shown it all before

You have a chance to let go to stagnant water

So again, “How Do You Feel?”

– Victoria Angelique