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Confessions of a Pendeja: The Art of Letting Go

This week I didn’t feel like painting anything new; that happens sometimes as an artist.  This week was a trying week, a week in which the decision of a ring-a-round habit that needed to end. I won’t get into too much detail but its a bittersweet feeling letting go of your addiction.  Right now I’m going through withdrawals (NO, not from drugs!), but from something else.  Have you ever been in a SHITuation that feels so good at the moment, yet even in the moment you know it’s not good for you? Yeah, same. Sometimes you just need to stop lying to yourself and open up those pretty eyes and realize what feels good isn’t good for your soul.  It’s crazy because biologically we are designed to protect ourselves from harm, yet when the emotional side kicks in and we end up being stupid ass fuck. We tend to ignore the same voice that tells us to look both ways before crossing the street.  That voice of reason becomes silent when emotions come into play. We are human and that’s ok.  What is not ok is continuing to self-harm from a habit that feels so damn good when in reality it’s the opposite. This week in my Pendejaism, I decided to be less of a pendeja and put myself through temporary pain for a better long-term outcome.  I’ll be mentally kicking and screaming to myself and my logic this week. Most likely, I’ll be cranky, but, hey, don’t we all go through similar withdrawals from an addiction? Plus side: I do see the light at the end of the tunnel because I’m no PUSSY and truth be told, I’ve been through waaaay worse than this little hiccup. I share this with you to assure you that it’s ok to realize you’re being a pendeja/o and that it’s ok to be mad at yourself. Give yourself some wiggle room to make mistakes and grow.  Life is forever changing, and it’s only natural for you to change with it.

 

This is one of my first paintings and it seems very symbolic right now.  Life is bright and beautiful with a few shitty moments in between and even the shitty parts have some beauty in it.

 

ZaiOHmy