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How I let go of you and held on too.

The night's crescent moon
The night’s crescent moon

Tonight
I will get drunk on the poetry we wrote
throw my tears on the fire burning everlastingly.
That love didn’t stop your heart from turning cold for me.
Wrap my fingers around the words we spoke and
place them in the drawer that keeps your pictures too.
Watch my moon and stars collapse as I accept that my world
I must finally renew.
Write a prayer for us, for me, for you
on the same page lettered with your name in gold.
Take in a lesson or two.
Take a lesson or two. I will plant your roses outside my room
hang your artwork on the wall next to my bed.
Your kind words, I will give to someone else and
pray you get rewarded for them.
Our past, I will set on the shelf next to my favourite books.
These are the things I will hold onto
they belong to someone I once loved, once knew.

The people we were before still exist somewhere in time and space.
How unfortunate it would be to keep their chaos alive and instead
throw their love away.

– Samihah Pargas

– Instagram: ShadesOfHerInk

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Top 10 Posts of 2017— No. 1

The Night-Long Lament: Contemplation & Prayer

IG: @shadesofherink

Read other work by Samihah at:

GenreUrbanArts.com

 

Warm tear drops kiss my hand on this cold night. The sky is tinged with a deep purple, a quiet purple. Even amongst the stars, there is only silence. I envy anyone who is able to find direction using them, to see a compass in darkness. I merely see what is before me. Three in a row, four on the outskirts forming a misshapen rectangle. Two more, faded, somewhere in the middle of it all. Orion’s belt. I could never forget constellations after my first time recognising them. Only, this time, I felt forgotten by them. Neglected. They are still. You feel silent to me today. This water is cold as well, in the deep end of it where I sit. Water is supposed to feel warmer on the skin after some time. I have been sitting here for a while, a long while. Waiting. I have been waiting. The moon is nowhere to be seen. Not a slither of its light shows for as far as I can see.

The moon captured slightly behind clouds
                                                                                     A slither of light

Tonight I am in darkness surviving off the somber glow of these stars alone. Tonight, I am small and the universe is too vast to consider this humbled being. This search for guidance has rendered me unnerved. Unheard. I am screaming, from my lungs through my eyes and I know I am not loud enough. I am gentle. I am excruciatingly soft. The wind will travel skies carrying my cry to the heavens and I will still be waiting for You to answer me, my Lord. I cannot hear You or see You or feel You in this moment, however long this moment may last but I believe, fiercely.

You are listening

and I will wait.

– Samihah Pargas

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Top 10 Post of 2017— No. 3

The Heart that Keeps me Waiting.

IG: @shadesofherink

Read other work by Samihah at:

GenreUrbanArts.com

 

There are nights I have sat through, waiting for the sun to rise – when I had every reason to be sleeping. But I know that deep down, I was waiting for you to find me. That you’d have reached home a long while back and would possibly be biding your spare time reminiscing over old photographs. I’d hope that you decided to think about me. I also know that it is unlikely that a mere thought would bring you towards me, but the love burning inside my heart makes me hold on to the miniscule chance that it could. I feel pathetic, do you know that ? I feel like I am begging for reciprocation at the door step of someone who I know might not even set foot outside to see. You once told me that I am earth and you are water, and that between such people, something beautiful could grow – or mud would be created. In whatever has grown between us, darling, I have been sinking. You have left me to drown. It’s unfair. I have been unfair to myself. You told me that we drifted apart. Don’t insult my love by ever thinking it abandoned you. While I have tried to walk away, it has stood its ground for you. All I ask now is that you treat it kindly. Soothe whatever dignity is left of it. This love is exhausted, it’s been bruised.

And still, it waits for you.

-Samihah Pargas

-IG: ShadesOfHerInk

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Musing of a Brown Girl

 

before I knew about blood I learnt that
skinning potatoes is all in the wrist
especially if your hands are weak
and onions should be rinsed in water
if you don’t want to cry (which apparently means your mother in law does not like you).
Abba enjoys tomatoes in his dish
but they are too acidic
a bit of sugar sprinkled over them
before they’re added does the trick
“My place” was in the kitchen
instead of the outside (because fresh air is too dangerous for a girl after she’s 7).
and the man of my future
would love that I cook.
before I discarded childhood
along with those rotten dhanya leaves
before I became a woman
I was trained into a wife.

A woman’s hands never burn.” (in the kitchen of course)

but mine burn
they burn every single time.

_________________________

Samihah Pargas: Instagram @ShadesOfHerInk

Photo Credit: Instagram @DupattaDiaries

 

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The heart that keeps me waiting.

There are nights I have sat through, waiting for the sun to rise – when I had every reason to be sleeping. But I know that deep down, I was waiting for you to find me. That you’d have reached home a long while back and would possibly be biding your spare time reminiscing over old photographs. I’d hope that you decided to think about me. I also know that it is unlikely that a mere thought would bring you towards me, but the love burning inside my heart makes me hold on to the miniscule chance that it could. I feel pathetic, do you know that ? I feel like I am begging for reciprocation at the door step of someone who I know might not even set foot outside to see. You once told me that I am earth and you are water, and that between such people, something beautiful could grow – or mud would be created. In whatever has grown between us, darling, I have been sinking. You have left me to drown. It’s unfair. I have been unfair to myself. You told me that we drifted apart. Don’t insult my love by ever thinking it abandoned you. While I have tried to walk away, it has stood its ground for you. All I ask now is that you treat it kindly. Soothe whatever dignity is left of it. This love is exhausted, it’s been bruised.

And still, it waits for you.

-Samihah Pargas

-IG: ShadesOfHerInk

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The Rescue

Appreciate the fact that you are breathing“, you say.
I don’t respond. I am gasping for air beneath my tears. You seem concerned and confused as to how to handle my breakdown. In this situation, we exchange roles from you trying to soothe my shivering body to me consoling you; nodding my head, barely managing an “I’ll be fine.” We both know that fine will not come soon.
On days like these I do not need your logic. I need the warmth in your hands and your chest to remind me that I’m not just “breathing” alone. I need your eyes to convey your love into mine. I need your understanding, not your replies. God sometimes sends people to us when we are drowning, you stand close and unsure of how to offer your hand. Simply open your arms. I will retreat into them, unravel my self back into fragile skin to fill them. Tell me that you are here to pull me back ashore. Stay holding me long after these tears run dry.

– Samihah Pargas

– Instagram : @Shadesofherink