I’m often the brunt
Of your misguided rage toward
I root you on while you
Constantly grind me down
Until little bits of me
Are spread in air
No one can put me back together not even
Disheartening is not even the word I would use to describe
How you make me feel.
My arms can no longer hold
They are tired of being a carrier
For your anger
And your indifference.
My heart is another vesicle
That is unable to house
My head does not want to participate in
Your lack of respect for me.
My body can’t contain your weaknesses any more.
Many times you come up in my mind
And regret fills me up
To the top
And spills over
Onto the bed of discontent.
It is amazing
How everyone else can make me smile
Except for you.
It is painful to me
To come to the realization
That you no longer
Make me happy.
I dread every moment that
I encounter with you.
Nothing about us
Makes me smile.
I think of you often.
In moments of chaos and turmoil,
And in quiet reflection
Of words we said with our hands
And bodies. Continue reading Thinking.Of.You.
The silence coming from your voice
Gets me through the day.
It helps me to see
The impossible situation we are in.
Too much in love to quit.
Too much in disdain to care.
It’s bittersweetness was revealed to me
On many occasions.
I often wondered how it didn’t destroy me
Or leave me broken beyond repair.
I did feel useless often,
Like a distant memory, you tried to forget.
But I never forgot you
Or the pain of betrayal. Continue reading Breathe Deep, My Love
She passed them down to her daughter
As if they were precious heirlooms
Carefully tended to and treated well.
She gave them to her daughter
To keep them alive
In order to be passed on
To the next generation.
Her daughter didn’t want them.
She refused to hold onto
And birth them into the future.
So she chose to not inherit her mother’s
She wanted to create her own destiny
Design her own joys
Build her own happiness.
She was tired of the generational curse that sickened her family for centuries.
So she broke it.
And proudly carried her
Into the future.
As I lay
The silence pierces the essence
Of my soul.
I try to reflect on a time
We were not complicated
By our love.
The reflections are difficult to grasp
I can’t remember a time
When love was ever easy for us.
I don’t think it was…
She gives so much
That her life force is sucked out of her.
She lies in a heap on the floor,
By his love.
Her soul is emptied
Out of compassion for him.
She can no longer love the way she did
I try to swallow the pain
Before it eats me up.
The sharpness of it cuts my throat
Its bitterness makes me gag and choke
It digs deeper into my body
And attempts to venture into the depths of my soul.
But it hits my intestines,
Comes back up forcefully and
I projectile vomit it across the room.
My body rejects its presence,
But my mind welcomes it.
And I try to swallow the pain again.
I want to taste
His honeyed brown skin
Get lost in the strong musk smell
Feel the gentle power that permeates
I want to envelop myself
In his masculinity,
And his passion.
I want us to meet each other’s desires
In a primitive and heated way.
Losing all self-control
In our luscious lovemaking.
I want to hear him whisper sensual, desirable things
He wants to do to my body.
I want to taste his yearning in my mouth
Savoring every succulent flavor.
I want him.
Soft to the touch,
Salty to taste.
Enchanting to see,
The melanin is perfection. Continue reading my skin.
Emptiness echoes throughout the room.
Silence slides up the wall.
Pain swirls in the air.
Anguish blows from the window.
It surrounds the young girl.
Choking the life out of her.
Her body was used for his pleasure.
Her feelings were unimportant to his desires.
Her satisfaction was diminished by his needs.
Her love was a game in his mind.
Her needs were dismissed by his actions.
She never mattered much to him.
They want us silent.
If you are quiet
You are complacent.
Never questioning what’s unclear
Accepting only their truth.
He bathes in misery
He eats it for breakfast,
And washes it down with insecurity.
Continue reading The Pain
I miss us.
I miss how our bodies move
How our thoughts connect.
I miss how we move in sync
How we met each other’s yearnings. Continue reading I am Missing you
I made him my god
What a dangerous thing!
He didn’t belong there…
He kept returning.
It was my fault
I knew he didn’t belong there
But I couldn’t help myself.
Such a dangerous thing
To put man before God.
There is a pain behind her smile
That causes her to disconnect.
Her insecurities are hidden behind her laughter
Which causes her hurt.
There is a brokenness behind her joy
That causes her be uncertain.
Her murky thoughts are veiled behind her dancing
Which causes her roughness.
Continue reading Behind Her Mask