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To Disown Her Space

she was afraid of
making the space 
hers,

because it never 
felt like there was 
room for her to 
be who she wanted.

maybe it was the 
stares & laughs who 
chased her mind over 
the years,  

the ones who taunted
her identity,

or the silent tears
after giving her all 
to the space just to 
be rejected of her 
place.

it all felt too
familial & others
never understood 
the difficulty

in just standing & 
being in front of others,

even in under a minute,
a meeting of eyes

 

could turn into cries for help with no real explanation but well-being in the worst of its kind. to think the thoughts of others that never existed, helped her to build the prison that no one else could see or be, except when she stripped naked in anguish. it was death who played in her head & trapped her brain, & filled her ears, telling her how
 to be, at the end of each day she wondered, 'How could that even be me?'