I often wondered if you were as sad as I was after you walked away. It pained me to say that perhaps you were not, and one day I had to let my hope dissipate. This is where I walk now, on the road taking me further away from you and any dreams I held onto. I stopped by the ocean for a while and tried to drop your name into the water, but I might as well have drowned myself because you were still inscribed all over me. This is the trouble I face now: my eyes with your smile, ears with your voice in them, hands ready to hold all cursing themselves for having been entrusted to one who would leave and the owner who gave away. I walked and ran and paused to sit all in rage. Then I hid your pictures from my view but cursed my mind for remembering the colour of your eyes. Tried to rid myself of gifts with your name on them and stopped again to cry at the memories they hold and this is where I am now. In the space between wanting to hate and managing to love. I laughed at myself and wailed at us. I danced away some pain, prayed for forgiveness and felt it again. I smile and frown and tear and break and bleed and sleep and sleep but most unfortunately I remember. And this is how I live now.
– Samihah Pargas
– Instagram: ShadesOfHerInk