Oh love! Love makes you feel warm and fuzzy one minute and the next you want to run away from it, well at least in my case. I’m pretty great at running away when love happens. Maybe it’s my generation and the fucked up ideology that the grass is greener on the DM side. Maybe it’s the fact I have daddy issues and fear of abandonment. Maybe I feel as though leaving them first we I won’t be left feeling stupid when they dump me. Whatever the case is, I’m tired of running.
I want to love, but how? How does the heart let go of the comfort of solitude when for so long its been mistreated. Time? Meditation? Closure? Or do I just go for it and find love? I had no clue, so I stopped looking. I gave up on my mission and exactly when I did that love found me. What type of love do you ask? The love for myself. Look, hear me out. In order to love proper you have to be right within. There is no way in hell that you can accept love and give love if you are not right within yourself. It took me a while to self heal from my past, from my abusers, from the lack of love from my father, and most importantly to heal from my fear of abandonment. Honestly, I’m still healing and still struggling and that’s ok because now I know my truth. The path to enlightenment starts with facing yourself and your fear. I no longer want to fear love. Am I ok with the pain attached to love? Maybe, but if I don’t ever try I will never know.
I created this piece because the possibility of love and wild sex has found me and challenged me as of late. I’m excited, scared, and vulnerable. Even with all those emotions, I’m finally ready to let go of my fear.
I dedicate this post and artwork to my self-love and what that energy has brought to my life.
Sometimes we get scared of happiness because happiness is the unknown. We say we want it, we say we crave it, but we don’t do anything to achieve it or if we do, we sabotage ourselves on the last minute. Continue reading Happiness
Dear Voices in my head,
I should probably start with hello. But I am not. You are talking to me right now, questioning me. Like you always do.
You made your first entry into my life when I was 7 years old. I was asked to sing in front of my friends. You told me I wasn’t good enough. You told me I am horrible. And, although I might offend you, I didn’t like you. I hated you.
Continue reading Open Letter to The Voices In My Head
You had a dream. You had plans and things seemed to be in order. Until they weren’t. Until they changed. And that person you trusted with your everything turned into someone else. And you ask yourself how you didn’t see it coming, how could you not know. But you didn’t, because you trusted them, you believed them. And you blame yourself. But it’s not your fault. You can’t be guilty of trusting the good you were showed. You are not guilty of believing they felt the same way about your life, your dreams… because they said they did. Because they showed you they did. Because they planned that life with you. Before they turned into everything you wanted to run away from. And it’s hard to turn around and see your dream have turned into a nightmare. But it’s harder to pretend you didn’t see it. So you fight if you must. You run if you must. And you start again. But you never, ever stop believing. In yourself. And in the good you see in others.
© Máh Lima
Yesterday, I found one small shred of will power held captive in my back pocket.
It was whittled down to an unrecognizable pill, that I swallowed and let run its course through my system.
Like Alice, my confidence grew.
Thoughts, once cloudy, began to shine through.
Mending what I believed to be broken.
You can stand tall without armor,
but wars cannot be won without backbones.
You are the only one who has to fight
All your energy spent with the wrong obsession brought you to the right place.
At the right time.
Trust in the redirection.
Break ties with your trepidation.
Walk forward expectantly.
Your heart is an adaptable muscle.
Strengthen it, accordingly.