She is born with a naturally occurring third eye, nestled within the softest place on earth. If you do it right, it might just wink at you. Waiting is a cycle. Stillness is a cycle. Regeneration and resurrection? Both are cycles. She wants no parts of your war – no parts of the blood you spill. (She often twitches at the day men were allowed into labor rooms.) The blood she spills is of living water; not of slain innocence and not of combat, campaign, or crusade. Yes, pay close attention to whom God granted His living water. It’s been said that it’s just too much. Too crass, too saturated, too heavy. Too brand new. The blood. Of cyclical possibilities with a scent of untouched earth waiting to be sown (or not). Rain on the horizon. Seeds taking root. Her insides – the great outdoors. It is her space and mine. Immense pain and immense pleasure. What of true life doesn’t birth both? Charged with the permutation of unadulterated first breaths! And we let them shame…tax…shun us for it. A gift. An offering. A safe space that everyone has at least once been familiar with. And we let them shame us for it? A built in clock synced with the moon, ocean tides…with her who stands with me and for me. And we let them shame us for it? Born with everything we need. To carry life. And we let them shame us for it? Phenomenal soil – watering itself from the inside out. And we let them shame us for it? Worth bleeding for. And we let them shame us for…the blood.
All too often humans disregard
the strangeness in each other,
toss it on the highway like
a tasteless piece of gum,
useless and burdensome.
Continue reading Strange.
Hey There Kid
Hey, kid–kid with the kinky thick hair. The kid with the name everyone pronounced wrong. The bubbly chubby kid who loved to sing. One kid who’d run around with her portable speaker and mic and perform like a little preacher. Kid who loved climbing the trees in the backyard. The kid with a bottomless imagination. A kid who’d daydream all day. Hey there, kid, who loved bubble baths with her mom and would sing, “You are so beautiful….to me, can’t you see?” Continue reading Hey there Kid…
He graced me with a perfect smile upon his face
As he placed the most magical kiss lips can taste
Mending all my broken bones together
His presence couldn’t be detained by any weather
All of the bullet wounds surrounding my heart
Reminding me of the way I fell apart
Love will send your mind spiraling in the dark hours of the night
Reminiscing on all of the times you had to put up a fight
Demanding for him to stay
Yet all they tend to do is begin to run away
That is why our magnificent kiss haunts me in my dreams
Sadly love never is the way it seems
As much as I hoped this time would be different
I know deep in my core that it isn’t
I watch as the spot in my driveway remains empty
As you continue to love on plenty
Leaving them wondering deeply in their souls
Why their minds were left souring from their control
They fell for your same tricks
That you applied just as smoothly as the kiss you placed upon my lips
I knew I should of ran from the start
My mother always told me I was smart
I still am baffled in the way you managed to get under my skin
Why do people like you always have to win?
But I have learned my lesson this time around
As the scars you left on me are no longer profound
I will soon be ready to love again
As I no longer view my broken bones as a sin.
You can not love yourself
And apologize for who you are
True love stands up in the guts
Of wrong and right
Allure and repugnance
Flawed and flawless
Blessed and cursed
Love forces them, to not kiss and make-up,
But fuck each other…
I hope I have taught you that crying is not a weakness.
It never was.
Allowing yourself to feel and accept the pain
You are going through makes you human.
Don’t let anyone tell you that crying is for the weak.
You are one of the strongest people I know.
(Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash)
I want to let you go,
But I keep holding on.
Begging. Continue reading Let Go
Panic struck as I felt a slip back into old habits
Why is this path so easy to follow?
Don’t follow me
For I would only lead us into disarray
I can’t help but be his damsel in distress
Continue reading “Grey” by Alnaika
The greatest war we wage,
Is with ourselves
every single day
Give yourself a shout out, Continue reading Battle Tested
Breathing in my Black Body in Birmingham, Alabama
(Picture courtesy of Salaam Green)
I am not confident, or an inspiration, or even brave simply because I have lost some weight. I get dressed in the dark and go to work with wrinkles in my clothes most days. In my previous home I decorated the whole living room with mirrors, mirrors over the fireplace, sofa, and such; however, in my small apartment, I haven’t looked in a mirror in months. I hate taking pictures even today and years ago I decided to not join the selfie craze because; I was too fat.
so what is it
What is it about mental health
that makes people uneasy
What is it about your suffering
that makes people uneasy
More often than not we let ourselves be surrounded by negativity. And things keep going wrong and we believe it’s wrong and unfair and we feed the cycle till we’re buried underneath it all.
After a while, we stop asking if that’s how it should be. And then we forget how it all started. We are forever lost in the darkness inside ourselves that was originated elsewhere but placed there. And we believe we deserve it. And we believe it’s our own damn fault. And it is. And it’s not. It is because we let it grow and take over. It’s not because we are not responsible for the environment we live in.
I wish I could reminisce like you for some sorta time and space I felt safe. But since a young age I had to learn to hold myself and know despite it all, I was still enough. But as you would have guessed, I didn’t know that and spiralled down a really dark path. No, there were no alcohol and drugs, there was something worse, the constant battle with crippling feelings of ‘not enough’.
Imagine growing up believing you should not exist at all. Imagine how would you turn out. I wish I could say I’m turned out ok, but I guess that’s not the complete truth. Even though you may see me holding it together, I’m no more found than you.
We’re lost and alone in the journey back home trying to grow along the way. Even if we do find souls that help us carry the load, in the end we’re the ones to answer to what we let go.
Maybe it would be easier had I learned differently from what my childhood branded in me. But I’ll never know and it doesn’t matter. I’ve learned to make of my self what brings me peace and let go of the misconceptions in my system of beliefs.
© Máh Lima
When you left I looked for you
in all the faces I saw,
in every crowded street,
in all the places we had been.
Sometimes we get scared of happiness because happiness is the unknown. We say we want it, we say we crave it, but we don’t do anything to achieve it or if we do, we sabotage ourselves on the last minute. Continue reading Happiness
The beauty of creation lead me here today. I don’t know if I truly accept this. I am a part of a tribe. A tribe built on color, texture, and imagination. A visual epilogue of brilliance. Am I worthy of such mental dexterity? Do I tremble before my forefathers of thought? I am beholden to this refuge of peace. Oh, to be with others who see the same vision as I do. What a beautiful thought.
For years I took for granted what was gifted to be. For years I hid like a scared animal, craving the limelight but was intimidated by the glare. Our voices should be heard, so they are added to the spectrum. Yes, we may be turned away. To only those who are blind.
That is okay. I want to be seen, from where I create.
Look at the sky
“It’s gray” you’ll say
Cloudy, I know,
but light still finds a way.
Why do you hide behind clouds of sadness
raining down your face,
letting the storm obscure your heart?
There’s more to you
than the pain you’re through
Just like the light that’s hidden away,
find your cracks to shine.