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The Abstract Auto-Bio

The Abstract Auto-Bio

The quietest noise I ever made, made a huge impact on paper. Or was the impact felt on canvas? I go in between mediums, like a medium? Okay, so I like double meanings. I am a lover of puns. I wish I could understand the complexities of my own mind. Let us travel into thoughts as they unravel.

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What I Make of Me

I wish I could reminisce like you for some sorta time and space I felt safe. But since a young age I had to learn to hold myself and know despite it all, I was still enough. But as you would have guessed, I didn’t know that and spiralled down a really dark path. No, there were no alcohol and drugs, there was something worse, the constant battle with crippling feelings of ‘not enough’.

Imagine growing up believing you should not exist at all. Imagine how would you turn out. I wish I could say I’m turned out ok, but I guess that’s not the complete truth. Even though you may see me holding it together, I’m no more found than you.

We’re lost and alone in the journey back home trying to grow along the way. Even if we do find souls that help us carry the load, in the end we’re the ones to answer to what we let go.

Maybe it would be easier had I learned differently from what my childhood branded in me. But I’ll never know and it doesn’t matter. I’ve learned to make of my self what brings me peace and let go of the misconceptions in my system of beliefs.
© Máh Lima


Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

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Mine

She gave away her heart like broken pieces of raw diamond in a jewelry store.  He’d saved up enough over the years to buy the ultra-diamond.  The diamond of all diamonds.  He wasn’t looking for just a piece.  He’d sacrificed long and hard for the whole thing.  She watched him in anticipation as he walked throughout the jewelry store.  Certain that he’d choose the bigger, prettier, unbroken diamond that glittered and shone masterfully.  Wholly.  She was surprised when he picked her up and paid for her outright.  With the contents of his satchel…

Where he kept

All of her

Broken

Pieces.

you. you are a diamond. in the rough. but. a diamond. sho-nuf! some. will look at you. seeing only your brokenness. one. thee one. will know your wholeness. giving credit. to what it took. to break you. be a gem.

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Red Light Special.

Listen to the hum.
The thought of speeding
down a side street
to beat a red light.
The rushing.
The wishing away.
The avoidance.
The fear to face the truth.
The thoughts collected in
the blink of a traffic light.
Recognize your true reflections.

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Checkmate

There was a time when checkmate was her future.
Then, she pushed a pawn, he advanced a knight.
They meddled with the squares,
black and white before them,
compounding into a lovely shade of gray.
He predicted her moves well in advance.
He may capture her queen, but she’s a goddess still,
taking his bishop deep within her game,
moving towards the grid that’ll change her name,
that makes her cherish the place they collided,
the end they strive to attain, with her on top,
in his face, in the place, on the board,
where even if he leaves her tied up in a corner,
with no moves, insane, she won just the same.

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Destruction & Deceit

on rare days

when I end the eclipsing

of my own humanity

with that that is not

or maybe is less

and is similar

to a generous allowance

of too much peace

a semblance of deconstruction

brick by brick

discarded mortar

dissipated dissatisfaction

I will make even

the most blessed

regret his presence

through realm warping shrieks

awakening disjointed logic

of failures and truth

carried through

deoxyribonucleic acid

proving fallacies

of greatness

relayed through eons

of oral tales

that were mumbled

carried like rushing water

tides of blood lines

wrought of disappointments

 

find shelter

do not risk

your presence here