breaks the ceilings
to back alleys
trapped between walls
no outlets Continue reading She, the master…
I survived an earthquake
and my soul is still shaking inside
my heart beating too fast
what if I just trapped myself into a bigger mess
I survived an earthquake
I fought the earth
and the stars
I changed my way
I saved myself
and yet here I am
with hope hiding behind me
hoping to not be taken away
from the monstrous beast
depression that keeps
you were never meant to be happy
you were never meant to
have love that treated you right
and I don’t think I have it in me
to stand up again
to fight back
so I just whisper
I just whisper to myself
nahi nahi nahi
and someday I might
hold my self together
sew my self back up
but for now, I just whisper nahi
if you come knocking at my door
turn the knob and enter
this time I won’t answer
I’m tired of rushing to greet only to get disappointed.
I’m sorry for giving up right on your turn
it’s unfair of me to judge you
based on the actions of the ones before
or their lack thereof.
it’s ok to make yourself at home
get acquainted with the lonely rooms
pay attention to where the shadows form
I’m tired of providing only sun
and blooming when there’s no one to care for.
if after all this you decide to stay
if despite all this you still want to make home
my heart is yours to tame
my soul is yours to love.
one last word of advice, though
beware of full moons.
The tides get high
and I’d hate to drown you too.
© Máh Lima
Photo by Albert Dera on Unsplash
Can you feel it?
But, specifically names.
They are full of power. Continue reading The Name of Things
Do you understand
that it matters?
All the same, it does.
You were my
very own mystery
but then you
became my door–
as eternal as the
universe itself. Continue reading Step Through the Door
I held onto her
With a grip so tight
Sand couldn’t even escape
Slip between my fingers
I held onto the thought of her
As if letting you go
Would suck out the life
That barely existed in me
Worry sets my brain on fire
She begins to slip away
My heart and soul begin to burn
I lose control
I become lost in a pile of ashes
One speck at a time
Being lifted by the frigid air
And blown away into the past
For the first time I realized
This feeling is different
You see I am no longer holding onto
My abuser or
The ones who have wronged me
I’m holding onto me
The old me
The me that was beaten down
Until she was just a pile of ashes
For she is something I learn from everyday
She taught me how to fight for me
She taught me how to believe in me
She taught me that time is magical
Though she is not in my bones anymore
I still see traces of her every day
That small bench
Where loneliness surrounded her
Not allowing anyone to come near
That creaky window
She covered up
So that no one could see her scars
And that porch with the swinging chair
Where she watched the people
Who were supposed to love her
Without acknowledging her presence
Ignoring her humanity
To saturate her t-shirt
I believe in her
But I can’t have her
I left the ashes on the ground
And walked away
To a better me
To a better life
And let me tell you–
The best is yet to come
Photo by John-Mark Kuznietsov on Unsplash
2017 was a rough year for many, and 2018 seems like a shooting star because all we can do is hope and feel that it will be a better year. I feel it deeply. 2018 is meant to be a good year. But it also makes me scared. Scared of what’s ahead. I am in the present but through my writings I also live in the past, as well as the future with the hope with each keystroke I can place strength, hope and love in everyone’s heart. Keep the hope alive, and never give up. Because whatever you experienced in 2017 was preparing you for the best of 2018. Never give up on hope. Never give up on love. Never lose strength.
by: Soshinie A. Singh
Author of The Phoenix Letters, The Phoenix Letters Return & The Mist Calling
IG: @soshiniesingh.author | Facebook: Soshinie A. Singh
We govern ourselves
according to a moral creed
that ensures that
any individual born and bread here
and hospitable behavior…
It’s what we refer to as
it has been mocked
and taken for-granted
you yearn for it
we don’t know
how to cope in a world without it…
No dis to
entry into rooms with empty greetings
that when you walk into a room,
you greet respectfully
And we always remember
to appear gracious and courteous
in the presence
and learn to smile
and compliment people,
as they pass by.
Let’s make southern hospitality
that much easier, to come by. ..
How The Men I Dated Helped Destroy My Self-Image.
Society has a real strong focus on self-love and how you only need yourself to be happy, and I get that, I really do. Society also acts like the relationships you have with others don’t have a toll on you. I started thinking about all the men I dated over the years and how badly they fucked me up. I decided to be so petty and call a couple out.
S: This was my first “real” boyfriend. I saw the world in him, that type of jazz. Turns out in the end he was a total piece of trash but any who. This was the man who simply couldn’t take no for an answer. This was the man who pushed me, and ripped my pants off of me after I said no a million times. This was the man who helped destroy my self-image by teaching me that the men who were supposed to love me couldn’t possibly respect me. This was the man who showed me how much I was really worth to him. How could I mean so little and how could someone have so little respect for me?
M: This one was probably the person who fucked me up the most in life. Well maybe even second. This was the man who promised me the world, promised me a future. This was the man who made me feel safe. This was also the man who left me by stating that he simply didn’t care about me anymore. This was the man who helped me destroy my self-image by proving to me that the worst thoughts I had about myself were real. Nobody hated me more than I hated myself. The thoughts inside my head kept me up at night, constantly thinking that I wasn’t enough, the love I had wasn’t desirable.
The men I dated have ruined my self-image in so many ways, whether it was calling someone fat who was a lot smaller than me, telling me how being assaulted made me broken, putting their hands on me with anything but love in mind. The people I have met in life have really fucked me up along the way. I started to see myself the way these men treated me, I dated so many cowards that treated me like trash that I simply began to believe love wasn’t real, love was just something Hollywood made up to make a couple billion dollars.
I dated so many men who simply didn’t know how to love me, and it made me believe I wasn’t worth loving, my self-image was already fucked up from having anxiety and depression but the relationships I had with these men just put fuel to the fire.
I write a ton about self-love because I spent years not being able to love myself and with men who just couldn’t love me. I saw these broken men and tried to fix them, and that was such a mistake. I was trying to fix these boys who didn’t want to be fixed, who grew fond of making a joke out of me.
Self-love takes a very long time after dealing with abusive men and awful relationships, I have not mastered self-love yet and if you haven’t either that is okay, you’re not undesirable just because you haven’t mastered self-love yet. I promise someone is going to love the shit out of you. Keep going.