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Breaking While Pushing Forward

  I never wanted you to take one of those      Flowers sitting on one of those boxes
or to pack up your love,
And get ready to send them off to face

I never wanted you to say goodbye,
To think that this was it
Even though most of your reality
With him was toxic.

I never wanted to see you
Sitting in any pew,
Mourning throughout
the morning of a

Not for him especially,

 not for anyone.

Continue reading Breaking While Pushing Forward

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Moving On

Everything you gave me
Is in a box burning in the rear view
Driving through memory lane
One last time before I leave it all behind
There’s the coffee shop where met
You walked in it was like a movie scene
Everything faded out of view
The only thing my eyes saw was you
There’s the pool hall where we had our first kiss
The rain was coming down
Looking into your eyes
Continue reading Moving On

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Hit Me

His words

viciously slash me

as his anger sheds another layer

of someone I now fear

It won’t happen again

But wait it does,

and again and again

till I am no longer


till I am the punching bag

till I am ripped open

They say abuse is physical

they forget to warn

about the verbal.

They don’t tell you

how a sharp tongue

can slice open a person

create wounds

scars that aren’t visible

only suppressed, bottled in.

Words that beat me mercilessly

I sit here apologizing

for something that isn’t my fault.

Help me lose these chains.

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I feel tired today. Emotionally exhausted and looking for a source of energy to motivate me. Your smile used to do it. Used to launch me face first into better days. I miss your laughter. High pitched and drawn out and perfect. The kind that made me laugh just because. But because I don’t hear it anymore, I feel tired. Physically this bed is holding me captive and I haven’t had the strength to get up and cut off the alarm and it’s been going off… 7 minutes now and 28, 29, 30 seconds. Maybe it’ll disappear like you did. Maybe I’ll feel more energized if I sleep it off and try it again tomorrow, but I won’t. Because you still won’t be here and tired will become my norm and eventually I’ll adjust and life will go on. Go on a little differently. I miss your scent. How two of my steps always equaled one of yours during our afternoon strolls. Your fingertips up and down my spine for tight hugs. Tired. Missing you. Tired. My energy. Tired. Your always a little off, but sincere advice. Tired. Come back.