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I Left Myself Behind For That?

I couldn’t believe
that I left myself
behind for that,

just to catch up
with old memories,
caressing mirages
from afar
as if I didn’t realize
when it all
wasn’t real anymore,

they faded, leaving the
heat of resentment
that I knew nothing
of until I had no
choice but to face
it,

I was left alone long
before I realized
that I was,

but during my time
of celebration there
was what seemed to
be love until it all
dissipated with the
pent up anger that
they covered my
story with.

I felt the sweat boil
on my neck,
my gritting teeth
sharing some of the
steam,

my vision was hazy
as I tried to regain
my balance after
living in my head
for so long,

I thought I moved
on times ago, but
I was too jittery to
have taken care
of me for long
enough.

they just throw stones
that I never knew
they had,

thinking they’re entitled,

to my time & my feelings.

‘I left myself behind
for that?’

those words I learned
to sing & rejoice in
once before
after changing them from
a question to a statement
dressed with laughter,

because I realized that
it’s just the way that
it was all along.