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Hey there Kid…

Hey There Kid

Hey, kid–kid with the kinky thick hair. The kid with the name everyone pronounced wrong. The bubbly chubby kid who loved to sing. One kid who’d run around with her portable speaker and mic and perform like a little preacher. Kid who loved climbing the trees in the backyard. The kid with a bottomless imagination. A kid who’d daydream all day. Hey there, kid, who loved bubble baths with her mom and would sing, “You are so beautiful….to me, can’t you see?”

You wanted to be like your mommy. She’d sing and paint as a kid herself. You wanted to be like mommy til you saw her doing mommy duties. Working two jobs as a single parent, fighting with y’all dads to get them to act right and be men. Battling her own mistakes she made from trying to fill her own motherless void. She would come home to be the best she could be for the three of you. She never knew what it was like to have a brother, sister, mother, and her father was there in short. So she never knew love. She filled her void like her mother with pointless men. You saw all the strife and ignorance your mother held. You grew without a father and a brother. Your relationship with them barely existed with taint. There’s another story behind that.

You had no male figure so you followed your mother’s footsteps and filled your void with these men who’d give you laughs and make you feel pretty when you were just another conquest. Even though it was only four in total throughout your life, you still feel burnt out spiritually from letting them in. Hey girl, you made many mistakes and choices with shady friends. Friends you undeniably loathed because deep down you held jealousy within yourself towards them. You felt they were prettier than you because of their slim figures and curvy tendencies. Or even just their faces and confidence. However, you still attempted swaying those thoughts and was a good friend amongst those facts.

Hey There Woman

Every relationship you’ve dealt has been felt with lack of worth for yourself. You’d spread kindness and conditioned love because you felt like it was what you deserved, but it was never returned. Hey woman. Yes, woman now. You’re still insecure sometimes when you look in the mirror. You still sometimes hate your dark circles under your eyes. You still sometimes hate the fat on your arms, the sag in your breasts, the lumps of your thighs, the fat in your waist, But you’re growing. You’re starting to feel secure. You used to hate life and wish to die. You used to sit in your vulnerability, begging to be let loose. Wishing for someone to save you. You used to be unmotivated, you used to question God’s existence, but now it’s all you know. Solitude is doing you well. Having a sanctuary of your own has you being grown. God has blessed tremendously.