Posted on

Confessions of a Pendeja: Breaking Habits of Petty.

 

Have you ever had such a mischievous thought that can fuck someone’s life up? Yeah, me neither…….SIKE! Maaaaaaaan, it can be so hard sometimes to have that type of power over someone and choose not to use it against them ESPECIALLY when you can’t stand a motherfucker! However, I must say, I’m very proud of this new thing I’m doing, just letting shit go, let it roll off my back and keep it moving. Before my level of pettiness had to be fed whatever negative emotion I was feeling at the moment. My main objective was to make the other person feel my pain. After all my plotting I still felt unsatisfied with my “victory”. Something had to give and that something is me, I had to change.

I noticed the change was needed for many reasons, one being I just had to grow the fuck up, being childish is not a good look for me especially when I’m raising a child myself. I don’t want my son to hold on to resentment and pain the way I used to. Another HUGE reason was that when I held on to that disappointment, pain, pride, and ego it started to cloud my perspective and overall my whole vibe changed, I started not to like myself. People who loved me started to dislike me, people who didn’t know me felt a weird energy and it was hard to connect with others, I was the source of the fuckery. Also, let me tell you when you act ugly you tend to look ugly too! Most importantly, I want to feel like me again. One day I woke up and decided to just stop the bullshit and start healing my soul from whatever it was that caused me to behave so damn petty.

Painting was a major part of my process. I started painting more and one thing lead to another. I can honestly say if I wasn’t so petty in the past and didn’t realize I needed to refocus I probably would not be painting and creating art like I am now. Rebuilding burned bridges was also part of my healing. I reached out to old friends, even exes to simply apologize for projecting my pain on to them.

Moral of the story, being petty sometimes happens and it may be well deserved, but what are you really gaining? Instant satisfaction of what? All you are really doing is stealing an opportunity to grow through experiences. Feel the pain, anger, disappointment, and let go of your ego, your soul needs it. Deal with it personally and move on when you are ready, no need to be petty.