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Breaking While Pushing Forward

  I never wanted you to take one of those      Flowers sitting on one of those boxes
or to pack up your love,
And get ready to send them off to face
God.

I never wanted you to say goodbye,
To think that this was it
Even though most of your reality
With him was toxic.

I never wanted to see you
Sitting in any pew,
Mourning throughout
the morning of a
Homecoming,

Not for him especially,

 not for anyone.

I always wanted you to feel
Love instead of the emptiness
that seems to come at
all of the wrong times.

I didn’t want to see you
Cry when the time came
for you to realize
that some of your
Dreams wouldn’t & couldn’t
come true with them
Due to death emotionally
& physically.

I didn’t want to see grief
In your eyes once again.

I didn’t want to share that
Grief once again.

I didn’t want to see the pain
That would grow into
Your next steps,

But I know that you’re climbing
Up a mountain
with weather of the four
Seasons,

Sweating and freezing
at the same time,

Wondering when the dream
will come to an end
And when the start will
be for the real life
That you’ve always wanted.

you must grow,
and growth can
be painful.

growing pains don’t just hurt your
arms and legs,

They can toy with your soul,
your mind and your heart.

I know that this journey
Started for you years ago
As a little girl,

Facing a mother and brothers
In the Windy City
Without a father
To tell you
To watch out for the
Monsters that
Clean up in the sunshine
Appearing to be
everything that they
Are not.

Or to walk you down
The aisle when the
Time came.

Or to really sit
Down, talk and
see you off
On your first date.

Love has come
For you though
Without you being
Able to hear his
Input,

you felt his spirit speak
To you.

Love has shaken you.

Love has made you.

Love has come out of you.

I know that we’ve
Prayed for peace together
even though we
are in different spaces.

Only difference is you
are letting go of a love,
a whirlwind of everything
But imagination.

I hope that one day
You look in the mirror
And see the face of
A survivor and a doer,
A lover and a fighter,

A face of someone who
has lived and isn’t done yet,

A face of a woman who
Has so much life and love
to offer
The world in her every
Step and utter of a
Phrase.

The doors can’t open
or close unless you
Approach them,
Ready to fight
And challenge.

The love of your
Life is you.

The person that has
Changed but stayed true
To you is you.

You have not been
Defeated,
But deterred,

So don’t let anyone or
anything tell you
Different.

Unappreciative people
Shouldn’t help you
to define yourself.

You have been a mother
A lover, a friend, a guide
A comedian, a therapist
A cook, a doctor,

Master of many trades
But a slave to no one,

Yet, a servant to One.

The miracles that you’ve
Orchestrated.

The lives that you’ve
Touched.

The hearts that you’ve healed.

The heartbeat that you remember.

It’s all a part of you

Because you are love.

That’s why you have
Dreams for other people.

That’s why you care so much.

That’s why you can’t let go.

Because you are love.

You are what a lot of

People don’t know how

Or care

To express.

That’s why there is envy
Even in your own home.

That’s why there is so
Much misunderstanding
Because hate refuses
To understand
A love like you.

So continue to be love,

Continue to be realness
And fearlessness.

Continue to dream & try
Because there’s no mistake
In an attempt
To chase what you
Would like to get to
know & grow with.

Be love as you
Have always been.

You are coming of age,

Never too
Late or too early.

It’s just in time
For you.

your growth is never ending,
and you never get too old
to grow.