Have you ever had such a mischievous thought that can fuck someone’s life up? Yeah, me neither…….SIKE! Maaaaaaaan, it can be so hard sometimes to have that type of power over someone and choose not to use it against them ESPECIALLY when you can’t stand a motherfucker! However, I must say, I’m very proud of this new thing I’m doing, just letting shit go, let it roll off my back and keep it moving. Before my level of pettiness had to be fed whatever negative emotion I was feeling at the moment. My main objective was to make the other person feel my pain. After all my plotting I still felt unsatisfied with my “victory”. Something had to give and that something is me, I had to change.
I noticed the change was needed for many reasons, one being I just had to grow the fuck up, being childish is not a good look for me especially when I’m raising a child myself. I don’t want my son to hold on to resentment and pain the way I used to. Another HUGE reason was that when I held on to that disappointment, pain, pride, and ego it started to cloud my perspective and overall my whole vibe changed, I started not to like myself. People who loved me started to dislike me, people who didn’t know me felt a weird energy and it was hard to connect with others, I was the source of the fuckery. Also, let me tell you when you act ugly you tend to look ugly too! Most importantly, I want to feel like me again. One day I woke up and decided to just stop the bullshit and start healing my soul from whatever it was that caused me to behave so damn petty.
Painting was a major part of my process. I started painting more and one thing lead to another. I can honestly say if I wasn’t so petty in the past and didn’t realize I needed to refocus I probably would not be painting and creating art like I am now. Rebuilding burned bridges was also part of my healing. I reached out to old friends, even exes to simply apologize for projecting my pain on to them.
Moral of the story, being petty sometimes happens and it may be well deserved, but what are you really gaining? Instant satisfaction of what? All you are really doing is stealing an opportunity to grow through experiences. Feel the pain, anger, disappointment, and let go of your ego, your soul needs it. Deal with it personally and move on when you are ready, no need to be petty.
I’m so proud to announce my next exhibition Lips, hips, and thighs….oh my!
I’m curating this exciting exhibition with an amazing team of women and my business partner Lex from Save the World. It’s an all-female art show that will take place in Chicago at the Dub Hub and the cool part about it is that it has MAJOR house party vibes! We will have DJs, live performances, catered food, and amazing talent and its FREEEEEE, yup, you heard right FREEEE!
Continue reading Lips, hips, and thighs…..Oh my! House Party Exhibition.
This week I didn’t feel like painting anything new; that happens sometimes as an artist. This week was a trying week, a week in which the decision of a ring-a-round habit that needed to end. I won’t get into too much detail but its a bittersweet feeling letting go of your addiction. Right now I’m going through withdrawals (NO, not from drugs!), but from something else. Have you ever been in a SHITuation that feels so good at the moment, yet even in the moment you know it’s not good for you? Yeah, same. Continue reading Confessions of a Pendeja: The Art of Letting Go
My alone time is so precious to me. Being able to immerse myself in my solitude and actually find comfort in it is a beautiful thing, I highly suggest it. Add a little bit of tequila and good music and I end up with this doodle. Yeah, I was pretty tipsy and in the zone having a million thoughts cross my mind, but even with everything that was on my mind I was able to center myself to create. You have no idea how grateful I am to have this creative outlet.
Definitely one of my favorite solo activities, having a drink and drawing as I let go of my long day.
Originally Puerto Rico was my first home up until I was 8ish. I still remember getting off the plane and immediately feeling Chicago’s disrespectful ass wind smack me across the face. I went from being a 5 minute drive from the beach to not being able to walk more than 5 minutes outside without seeing a crime being committed. Talk about a mind fuck of a culture shock!
Ladies and Gents let me introduce you to my love hate relationship with an area in Humboldt Park called the Dead Zone. Let me break this down real quick, Humboldt Park is a neighborhood in Chicago that had an even a smaller section called the Dead Zone that was ran by the Maniacs or better known as the Latin Disciples. This piece of information was very important to know even as a kid back then. Yeah I know!
Humboldt Park in the 90s early 2000s was bitter sweet growing up. Obviously, growing up in a hood called the Dead Zone would impact your outlook on life and it sure did with me. Um, maybe seeing bangers getting shot at on the regular or always having to be on edge as I walk down the street did it, but I can definitely say my up bringing contributed to my rough jaded edges. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the lessons I’ve learned from my hood. I have great streets smarts (which is a must in Chicago), I’m resourceful (because we were so broke), and I’m always two steps ahead of the game. However, I’ve noticed always feeling the need to be ahead of the game has evolved into it’s own monster. My need to be ahead has somehow robbed me from good relationships, I’ve made it a habit to make assumptions on someone inorder to “protect” myself, when all along it wasn’t even needed to think that ahead. Now I see that after alot of mistakes and lessons, being ahead of the game isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be. I’m finally learning to balance that mindset.
The Dead Zone wasn’t all bad either, I’ve had a lot of good memories in my old hood. So many games were played in the buildings backyard with the kids, I honestly feel we were the last age group of imagination. Had my first kiss in the Dead Zone to a kid named Jesse who had a very high pitched voice and a fro. Most importantly, that was my home for a decade of my life and I was able to grow up among my Puerto Rican people. Looking back I loved growing up where I grew up. Yes, growing up in a rough neighborhood isn’t ideal but it’s what I had. Yes my Outlook on life at times can be aggressive partly due to my up bringing but I wouldn’t change it now I only want to change and acknowledged that I have to soften up a bit.
To my hood, the homies, and le moyne and Rockwell, thank you.
Pendeja or pendejo is a Spanish word commonly used in Puerto Rican culture that would describe an individual that does dumb shit. As of late, I’ve been such a pendeja 🤦. No, I’m not out here committing crimes, muffing babies, or running into walls. I’m going through a MAJOR transitional period in my life in which a lot of personal mistakes are happening due to growth and my previous reluctance to life’s uncomfortable lessons. I don’t know if turning 30 this year is a factor but I want to face myself and my demons. Here is my thing about this growth, I refuse to change my essence I only want to enhance it towards a positive light. What makes me who I am is why I have an ignorant laugh and why I can take a joke and throw it right back at you but I must admit some parts of my essence needs a tune-up. Shall we discuss the levels of my pendejaism? Continue reading Pendejaism: Confessions of a Pendeja
A few months ago I was filmed for a documentary called the Love Box. It’s about a group of individuals and their experience with love and dating. Full warning family!! I suggest you stay away from this film unless you want to know way more than you should about me.😂 Overall it was a great experience, I can’t wait for the final product. You may or may not see me as an animated character!
Oh love! Love makes you feel warm and fuzzy one minute and the next you want to run away from it, well at least in my case. I’m pretty great at running away when love happens. Maybe it’s my generation and the fucked up ideology that the grass is greener on the DM side. Maybe it’s the fact I have daddy issues and fear of abandonment. Maybe I feel as though leaving them first we I won’t be left feeling stupid when they dump me. Whatever the case is, I’m tired of running.
I want to love, but how? How does the heart let go of the comfort of solitude when for so long its been mistreated. Time? Meditation? Closure? Or do I just go for it and find love? I had no clue, so I stopped looking. I gave up on my mission and exactly when I did that love found me. What type of love do you ask? The love for myself. Look, hear me out. In order to love proper you have to be right within. There is no way in hell that you can accept love and give love if you are not right within yourself. It took me a while to self heal from my past, from my abusers, from the lack of love from my father, and most importantly to heal from my fear of abandonment. Honestly, I’m still healing and still struggling and that’s ok because now I know my truth. The path to enlightenment starts with facing yourself and your fear. I no longer want to fear love. Am I ok with the pain attached to love? Maybe, but if I don’t ever try I will never know.
I created this piece because the possibility of love and wild sex has found me and challenged me as of late. I’m excited, scared, and vulnerable. Even with all those emotions, I’m finally ready to let go of my fear.
I dedicate this post and artwork to my self-love and what that energy has brought to my life.
Wait, hold up? Is that a bleeding pussy? Yes, Yes it is! Why? Because she is beautiful.
I created her because I wanted to end the taboo behind anatomy of a woman. Yeah, we bleed, get over it. Our vaginas are more than a sex toy for you to fall into. We create life, we hustle through the pain and get things done. Continue reading Octopussy and why?