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If You Come, Love

if you come knocking at my door
turn the knob and enter
this time I won’t answer
I’m tired of rushing to greet only to get disappointed.

I’m sorry for giving up right on your turn
it’s unfair of me to judge you
based on the actions of the ones before
or their lack thereof.

it’s ok to make yourself at home
get acquainted with the lonely rooms
pay attention to where the shadows form
I’m tired of providing only sun
and blooming when there’s no one to care for.

if after all this you decide to stay
if despite all this you still want to make home
my heart is yours to tame
my soul is yours to love.

one last word of advice, though
beware of full moons.
The tides get high
and I’d hate to drown you too.

© Máh Lima

Photo by Albert Dera on Unsplash

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Blessing or Lesson

More often than not we let ourselves be surrounded by negativity. And things keep going wrong and we believe it’s wrong and unfair and we feed the cycle till we’re buried underneath it all.

After a while, we stop asking if that’s how it should be. And then we forget how it all started. We are forever lost in the darkness inside ourselves that was originated elsewhere but placed there. And we believe we deserve it. And we believe it’s our own damn fault. And it is. And it’s not. It is because we let it grow and take over. It’s not because we are not responsible for the environment we live in.

Continue reading Blessing or Lesson

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What I Make of Me

I wish I could reminisce like you for some sorta time and space I felt safe. But since a young age I had to learn to hold myself and know despite it all, I was still enough. But as you would have guessed, I didn’t know that and spiralled down a really dark path. No, there were no alcohol and drugs, there was something worse, the constant battle with crippling feelings of ‘not enough’.

Imagine growing up believing you should not exist at all. Imagine how would you turn out. I wish I could say I’m turned out ok, but I guess that’s not the complete truth. Even though you may see me holding it together, I’m no more found than you.

We’re lost and alone in the journey back home trying to grow along the way. Even if we do find souls that help us carry the load, in the end we’re the ones to answer to what we let go.

Maybe it would be easier had I learned differently from what my childhood branded in me. But I’ll never know and it doesn’t matter. I’ve learned to make of my self what brings me peace and let go of the misconceptions in my system of beliefs.
© Máh Lima

Photo by Shelby Deeter on Unsplash

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Through the Hurt

At some point communication was ignored.
The pain rose like the sun, every single day
Every time a word was said
It was meant to cause more pain.
Silence was like air
But minds were too loud,
Too loud to hear what was said behind it all.
Because pain kept rising with the sun
And refused to set
And at some point silence was all they had
When they got so caught up in the self
They forgot the meaning of “us”
With the ego constantly screaming “I”.
And the light that only shone from the hurt
Couldn’t illuminate two broken hearts.
© Máh Lima

Photo by Daniil Kuželev on Unsplash

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Dear You

It’s not the end of the world, although that’s how it seems. Some of the scars you’ll gain. you will try to hide. Some you’ll show on your skin. On your darkest moments, you’ll cry alone in a corner hidden from the world, but you’ll be alright. Even though it seems like no one really cares, that is not the whole truth. People show affection differently. And yes, she loves you. All the negative judgment and beliefs you’ll build will surely be torn down. It’s ok to recede inside that shell if it means you’ll stay alive. It’s ok to numb yourself if it will get you through it all. You will grow through this. I am letting you know, so remember: life will beat you down, but you will get up.
© Máh Lima

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Self Actualization

Look at the sky
“It’s gray” you’ll say
Cloudy, I know,
but light still finds a way.

Why do you hide behind clouds of sadness
raining down your face,
letting the storm obscure your heart?

There’s more to you
than the pain you’re through
Just like the light that’s hidden away,
find your cracks to shine.

© Máh Lima

(Photo by Lionel Gustave on Unsplash)

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Modern Dating

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez @ Unsplash

Swipe left. Right. Left. Right. Right. It’s a match. OMG. Gonna try to talk. See if there’s anyone there. No reply. Swipe left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Oh, they replied. Geez, only that? Well, let’s try something more. Oh no, they replied something less. Swipe right. Left. Left. Right again. There’s always a match. They don’t really talk. It’s ok like that. Because every time we “connect”, my ego has a blast.
© Máh Lima

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Jealousy runs through my veins.
My mind turns against me with thoughts I can’t contain.
There’s no positive side to feeling this way.
It’s hard to hold back the snap,
things I never meant to say.
No, I know they’re not true.
It’s just that jealousy clouds me and I feel confused.
I am aware it’s not the best part of me
and it comes from all my hidden insecurities.
And the thought that maybe I am not enough…
Jealousy haunts me like a ghost.
But I am conscious of its presence
and I pray to God I will detain it.
Before, blind, I wreck havoc.
And hurt all the people I love.

© Máh Lima